Caregivers
Addiction doesn't just impact the person with the addiction. It also affects their partner, their kids, their family members and their friends. It's not easy to help someone who is struggling with addiction but sometimes, as a close friend or family, you can make the biggest difference.
Family members also struggle with mental health and stress related issues from dealing with the problem. They need to take care of themselves as well.
You're not alone.
What to Understand Before Talking to a Loved One
When you approach your loved about getting treatment, don't be confrontational. No one likes to be pushed into a corner.
Approach
Be caring rather than harsh. Instead of confronting the person, be persuasive. Go in knowing it won't be an easy conversation and be prepared to keep your cool. Avoid anger and assigning blame. And don't accuse; instead of saying "You are a drug addict", try saying "I am worried about your drug use". This is less confrontational and also shows that you care.
Express concern and offer help
Start by showing concern and your willingness to help. You could say how you feel, like "I was really worried about you last night."
Explain that they have an illness
Explain that drug or alcohol abuse is a disease. It doesn't mean the person is morally weak or lacks willpower. Substance abuse is a serious illness that can kill and they need help.
Offer Information and Professional Help
Leave information around the house about where and how to get treatment. Key in the names and numbers of people who can help into your phone so you can give the information immediately if asked. If they are willing, call on their behalf. If the person doesn't want help, don't push it. Plant the seed and be ready to help when they are ready.
Offer hope
Quite often, people aren't hopeful that the addicted person will change. However, studies show that more than half of people who ask for help and get it have a better quality of life after just three months.
Treatment and recovery
Entering treatment is an important start, but it's only a start. And it's not just the person with addiction who needs help. Family members also need to start the healing process and to strengthen family ties. Apart from addiction, there may be other issues to deal with, such as marital, financial, and legal problems.
Educate yourself
Learn about the problem; the more you know, the more you will understand what your loved one is going through and what kind of help he or she needs.
Talk to the abuser
Talk to the substance abuser about your feelings. That might, in turn, trigger honesty from them. Getting them to talk about the problem is an important step to helping them seek treatment.
The goal is recovery
Listen and be supportive but don’t get into an argument. Demanding that your loved one stops abusing drugs or alcohol doesn’t help. Show instead that you care and you want them to seek treatment and to recover. Avoid moralising and focus on the consequences of addiction instead. Make sure you already know what to do next, who to call, and what the number is so that if the person who needs help agrees to seek treatment, you can make a call immediately. Have a definite 'next step' plan in mind, including a contact person for available treatment.
Gambling is insidious because it starts off as a social and recreational activity. However, the compulsive gambler soon slides into destructive behaviour that leads to lying, stealing, and pushing away loved ones. As with any addiction, recovering from problem gambling isn't easy but it can be done.
Why can't they just stop?
Although gambling doesn’t involve abusing a substance, it has a similar effect on the brain that drug and alcohol addiction does. Stopping isn’t just a question of will power.
How to help?
If someone you know has a gambling problem, encourage them to get help from a professional. Realise though that you can’t make someone want to change. They have to decide they are ready to change.
Starting the conversation
Talking about the problem is the first step, and first steps are usually the hardest. What should you say? How do you get them to see that their behaviour is causing problems?
Additional tips
- Stay calm and be supportive. Tell them how their gambling has affected you. Recognize if they've made positive steps and praise them for it.
- Learn to say "No" to requests for money and get friends and family to adopt this approach as well.
- Get support from other friends and family, counsellors or self-help groups who can help you understand the problem and deal with its effects. The more support you get, the better.
- Protect yourself and your family, financially, emotionally and physically. If necessary, seek the help of a family counsellor.
- Remember that change takes time, effort and often several attempts to be successful.
The Internet has become a fun and useful tool but it can lead to compulsive behaviour. People end up being addicted to online gaming or online porn and end up neglecting other aspects of their lives. Gaming and Internet addiction is every bit as serious as more "mainstream" addictions like drugs, alcohol or gambling. More importantly, it is just as treatable.
Advice for Families and Friends
When does a behaviour become an addiction? If you are worried that a loved one might be addicted, call our para-counsellors for advice (all calls are confidential).
Helping your loved one with internet addiction
If you suspect that your child or teenager suffers from an addiction to the Internet, here are some things other parents have tried with some success:
- Monitor computer use: Get your child away from the computer or smartphone and get him or her to engage in outdoor activities.
- Set an example: You're probably guilty of using the computer too much too. Cut down on your own use and instead, spend time helping your child with homework, playing a board game, or engaging in some other fun family activity.
- Talk to your loved one: If your child constantly wants to be on the computer, tell your child that you are concerned about the amount of time that he/she spends online.
We are here
Don't be afraid to get professional help if you think your child suffers from an Internet addiction. Call our All Addictions helpline about any questions that may arise regarding your loved one's possible addiction.
A loved one's addiction issues can severely impact family and friends as well. Family members often struggle to cope and may experience their own mental health problems as a result.
That's why it is important for family members to get support. Family members who receive counselling or attend support groups experience less emotional distress. Partners who go through couple therapy experience healthier relationships and lower the risk of domestic violence than those who do not receive any form of help.
Become Part of the Solution
Family involvement in treatment increases treatment compliance and enhances the outcome for the person with addiction. If a family can get psychological help, they can break the negative cycle, learn positive coping mechanisms and play a major part to their loved one's recovery.
Join a Support Group
A weekly support group for individuals who have loved ones with drug and/or alcohol addiction. It offers guidance to deal with addiction problems at home and provides support for self-care.
Support for Caregivers
Seeking direction or support during challenging times? NAMS offers individual counselling service for caregivers of persons with addictions. From stress management to effective coping strategies and beyond, we are here to provide the support you require.
